"Share your story." He whispers.
I don't want to. I say the same thing over and over. I can't share like_______ can. I'm not enough. You can't possibly use me.
"Share your story." He whispers.
No. I'm afraid. I can't do it. You can't possibly use me.
"Share MY story..."
So I will. Whether you read it or not, regardless of my fear or self consciousness, no matter what the enemy tries to instill in me. I will share. Because I can.
See, the last few months have changed dramatically for us. Things like a decent schedule, good pay and better health insurance were just a pipe dream for many years for us. We had a couple of those things here and there, but by and large, aviation is just a tough industry for families. Especially families like ours. While DFW was easier in some aspects, working around the clock did a number on Micah and we knew it couldn't last forever. Now don't get me wrong: Jesus has always provided for us throughout the years. Back when we couldn't afford milk on a regular basis, couldn't figure out how to pay for CF medications and couldn't stay afloat to save our lives - He was providing. Always.
When we moved to Dallas, my prayer was that we would eventually get to a place where Micah could rest. My husband is, by far, the hardest worker I know. Dallas was tough for him. While it felt like it was more restful for me after the intense East Texas chapter, he hit the ground running and didn't stop for the 3 years we lived there.
Jesus answers prayers. While they are not always answered in the way we think we want, He answers nonetheless.
I'm writing this from a brand new house in a brand new state. After the last 8 years or so, moving across the country, starting a new job and completely starting over with life seems, well... easy. Without going into too much detail, just know that this new job is a dream come true. Jesus placed this in our laps and we continue to be amazed with the details He brought together before we ever stepped foot on the airplane to come here. This chapter that we've just begun finally feels like rest. Real, genuine rest.
Everything from this home, our church, the move itself, the health insurance. Everything has far surpassed what we could ever think to ask for. And I'm thankful.
When I was praying years ago, this is not at all what I had envisioned when I asked for rest. In fact, we tried beating down a door that kept closing before this finally came to fruition. This is not at all what we wanted. And I'm so thankful.
For a long time I couldn't understand why He would allow anybody to endure an illness like cystic fibrosis. Must less a child. I still don't always understand the why to so many of the things we've been through over the years, but I'm just beginning to understand the Who.
When you're in the midst of a valley, no matter how intense, it's easy to get lost in the darkness. When you begin to climb out, the darkness lingers and tries to pull you back in. Some days, it wins. And that's okay.
The biggest lesson I've learned in all of this continues to be this:
Because Hebrews 13:8 (Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever.) is true, and because Psalm 100:5 (The Lord is GOOD! His love and faithfulness will last forever.) is true, then Jesus was good when Micah was in Afghanistan. He was good when He gave us Benjamin and revealed those almond eyes. He was good when we didn't know how to buy diapers. He was good when we had to move out of the rat infested house. He was good when He gave us Alexis and her 65 roses. He was good when I couldn't climb out of the darkness. He was good when no one else was there. He was good in the valley. He was good in the valley.
He is GOOD. IN. THE. VALLEY.
If He is the same yesterday, today and forever then HE IS GOOD. He is good always.
If your Jesus reminds you of all your shortcomings, makes you feel guilty for the Cross, expects perfection and a laundry list of rules... you've got the wrong one. Jesus loves you. Jesus LOVES you. Not because He feels like He must. Simply because He can.
Our life has continued to climb and we feel like we've made it to a pretty good mountain now.
Regardless of what's to come...
He was good. He is good. He will be good. Always.