Playbook

Have you ever gotten out of bed in the morning with purpose? Ben did. 48 hours ago, my son woke up and decided that was the day he was going to walk. Not just walk, mind you. Walk ALL DAY LONG. Once he started taking steps on his own, his PT always said the next milestone was going to be the day he walked more than he crawled. April 26th was that day and Dude hasn't looked back. When the day was over and I realized what a huge deal this was, I couldn't stop smiling. I used to assume I would be a blubbery mess when Ben decided to take off, but my heart was so happy and proud that tears just weren't in the playbook. If you missed the announcement and short clip of Dude showing off his skills, you can check it out on Facebook.

Happy Friday!

Dear Alexis

Dear Alexis,

I can't tell you how many times I've been to the store and held up something pink. Finding out that you are indeed a girl confirmed what I already knew: everything about this pregnancy is different. The physical aspects are the same. I've been blessed with feeling relatively awesome the whole time and actually have enjoyed knowing there's a baby growing in my belly. I know a lot of mama's can't say that due to sickness or other complications, so I'm grateful.
But, even still, this pregnancy is completely different. I'm not worried about your daddy not making it home in time for your birth, I'm not avoiding news broadcasts or looking forward to Skype chats. He's here, live and in person and it's fantastic. Rather than taking my word for it, he's actually felt you move and seen you squirm on the sonogram screen.

I've been thinking a lot about you and what you're going to be like. It's only natural, but my perspective has changed since your brother was born. I made the mistake of putting him in a box. I had such high expectations about what he was going to be like that when he turned out to be different than I expected, it was devastating. So, I'm going into your birth day with a clean slate. I feel ready. God could knock me off my high horse, though, and I'm okay with that too.

Before you enter this crazy life, I want you to know a few things:

1. God is real. God is good. People will try to convince you otherwise, but remember those things.
2. We all make mistakes. Mom and Dad will, too. We'll walk through life as a family and take it one day at a time. Life is good if you choose to see it that way.
3. Your brother needs you and you need your brother. After we chose your name, we found out it means "defender." Ben might need that someday.
4. You are beautiful. You might not always think so, but it's true.
5. Love Jesus more than I do. I once heard a dad say that about his daughter. That's what I want for you.

You are loved, Sister.

Mom

Birthday

Right at this moment, I am staring out the dining room window, sipping coffee, jamming to JT's new album (because according to my husband, that's evidently just "how we roll") and watching my two year old chase his dog around the house. Mornings should start out like this more often and days should be more like yesterday. It was a good day.

Benjamin is officially two years old. Can you believe it? I can't. I remember March 29th, 2011, like it was truly yesterday and here I am reflecting about that day two entire years later. We celebrated in small ways yesterday. A "birthday boy" t shirt, a breakfast date with friends, a lunch picnic in our freshly mowed backyard and frozen yogurt for an after El Sombrero treat.

I don't know if I'm ready to tell people I have a two year old. Maybe I'm having some growing pains and realizing that my grandmother was right when she warned me that time doesn't wait for anybody. We've learned a lot about that over the last two years. Life is short. It's going to whiz by whether you're holding on or not. Micah and I have both had moments of "I may not make it home." Moments like that happen to a lot of people and you can do one of two things: Panic or Change. If you choose to panic, you'll miss out on life. You just will. If you choose to change, you best get your boots on and hold on tight. (I'm in Texas now; I can talk about boots.)

My point is, I know my babies will grow up quick. I just want to look back twenty years from now and feel like I didn't miss it.

It's a good day. Do something about it.

Instagram photos: Follow me @ambertwebb

Backwards

We've become professional waiters. Not the cool kind with the ties and nifty place to put your paper and pen; the kind who are constantly waiting for something. It's this constant nagging that we've taken two steps forward just to jump five steps back. Micah and I have been married six years. We've packed up and moved all six of those. The moving doesn't bother me. The mindset of always saving boxes and never knowing what's coming next... sometimes it's old.

I've come to the conclusion, though, that maybe God just thinks we're really good at walking backwards. And maybe what seems like backwards to us isn't backwards at all. Nonetheless, the nagging still exists and the discontentment bug weasels his way where he doesn't belong. My job? Squash that dude. Remind myself that the waiting is okay, that God works in mysterious ways and He's got the whole world in His hands. It's simple when it needs to be.

 In Benjamin news:
We've mastered three steps and will walk from one room to the other when holding a hand. Despite being under the weather and not sleeping well this last week, he's cheerful as can be and still the happiest kid in the land. Seriously.

Little sister is growing like she should and we had a chance to take a peak at her sweet face recently. I get the question, "Could Alexis be born with Down syndrome?" more often than not. It's a valid thought. So far, there's no sign of an extra chromosome, but Ben surprised us. She could too. It's rare to have four almond eyes in the same family, but not impossible. I will say this: if God chooses to bless us with another baby from His secret place, she will be welcomed with open arms.

God is still great. Life is still good. Normal is still a matter of opinion.

Happy Spring!

Reminded

I love waking up to a clean house. The calm before the toddler, as it were. It's a constant reminder that I'm home - something I took for granted for the first eighteen months of Benjamin's life. Half way through my college career, I had a meltdown. I've never been one to enjoy school, but I knew it was important to finish. I sat down with my advisor and told her that I just wanted to be a mom. "I want to raise good kids that love Jesus. I don't need this degree." That was right after I decided to switch majors from Elementary Ed to Child Development. I didn't know it, but God knew what He was doing with that degree and I'm constantly reminded of that. God's got a hand in it all... whether we see it or not.

I've been reminded of a lot of things lately. To appreciate, to be present, to leave worrying with the dogs, to be thankful, to choose Happy and to love.

I'm not the kind of mom that's going to correct you when you say "Down syndrome baby." I won't jump down your throat if you say "retarded." I won't be writing Matt Lauer a letter and I'm not surprised at all with the way he congratulated a couple on their recently negative test for Down syndrome.
Just like a lot of issues that arise within a church body, I know anger and judgement won't fix it. Does it hurt my heart? Absolutely. Do I wish people viewed Down syndrome differently? Absolutely. But I can't change the whole world at once. What I can do is hug those Mama's that just found out. I can let Ben's smile make you melt. I can pray for the Doctor's encouraging parents to get rid of the extra chromosome and start from scratch. I can answer questions the best I know how. And I can love. One blog at a time.

*Photos taken with Instagram. Follow me @ambertwebb

Stand Down

I've started half a dozen posts over the past few weeks.
"The events that have taken place today..."
"Political faux pas..."
"I'm not the kind of mother..."
The problem is not writers block or a lack of ideas. The problem is knowing when to fight and when to stand down. I've had a lot on the brain. Too much, maybe. Most would probably start debates and misinterpretations that I just don't think would be worth it. So zip my lip it is.

Last Wednesday I got Benjamin out of bed, stumbled through our morning routine, drove to daycare and dropped him off at his class - - for the last time! Working full time was tough, but it was what the Lord wanted for a while. 2013 started with a job altering text message and an opportunity to keep my Mama/Wife heart intact while still earning money to support our growing family. I'm still overwhelmed and thankful for the way it all fell into place. No way to explain it but Psalm 37:4. Jesus loves me and knew the desire of my heart. Cool, right?

In Ben news, DUDE IS WALKING! With his push toy, anyway. But it's a great start and it's so exciting to watch. If you missed the video, you can check it out on Facebook. There are a multitude of reasons why I'm grateful God gave Ben an extra chromosome. One of them - - I will never ever take milestones for granted. Things like rolling over, crawling, feeding himself, drinking from a sippy cup, turning pages of a book and pushing a toy with wheels are all etched in my memory. Sometimes those milestones brought bittersweet tears because of how beautifully my baby is progressing. I don't mind that he's taking his time in some areas. It means I get to enjoy his babyhood longer than usual and I feel blessed that God chose me to be his Mama.

I'm still learning when to fight and when to stand down; what's important and what's really not. Maybe we all need to figure that out.

Happy Thursday!

New Year

It's a new year. With a new year comes new goals and new fears - both of which have taken root in my mind lately. We had a lot of "I never thought we'd be here" moments in 2012 intermingled with sweet memories and an outpouring of blessings. Those blessings are what I want to remember the most.
This year, though, has a different feel already. We're embarking on new adventures and sometimes those can be scary. Take this little miracle growing inside. It's exciting, yes. Bringing new life into the world, giving Ben a little playmate, soaking up those early Mama moments just like last time. But last time wasn't easy. In the midst of a vulnerable writing session, I let myself go back a little bit. I cried and told God that I just wanted something to be easy. Sometimes thinking about those events is a little bit terrifying. I told God that blood is important and I just wanted to be there for my kids. (Like He didn't already know that.) Exhaustion and pregnancy hormones probably attributed to the vulnerability, but nonetheless, good and bad, God gave us emotions and He's cool with us putting them to good use.

On a lighter note, how were your holidays? Our Texas Christmas was enjoyable. Ben was spoiled rotten, our fireplace was put to good use and Jesus loves my mother - He sent her snow! I actually stayed up to ring in the New Year. I couldn't tell you the happenings from about 9pm on, but I kept my eyes open and that counts when you're three months pregnant.

2013, I'm ready for you and my hopes are high. You've already had some unexpected surprises. Good ones. So, thanks. Regardless of what the rest of the your months bring, I'm thankful you're not in my hands. Rest easy, be gentle and bring it on.