Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Grief

I'm not sure I'll ever forget the Facebook message I got from a friend that contained a link to this blog. I sometimes hate to admit what a dark place I was in for the weeks after Micah left when Ben was born. (Okay, I've never actually admitted it at all). There were days I don't even remember participating in. Days that I felt like I couldn't breathe. Days that, without that precious baby to hold on to, I wouldn't have gotten out of bed. PPD? Maybe. But, it was probably more grief than anything else. People that have received heartbreaking, life changing news about their child know what I mean. You grieve. You have to. 
That's why when women like this and moms like this string their words together so eloquently, you sit there balling your eyes out. By the time you finish reading, you feel like jumping up and down screaming, "Mother of Mary - how did you know that?!"
There's an unspoken bond between moms. But, there's an even more unspeakably amazing bond between moms who God has chosen to bless with kids that are different than yours.

Ben has a meeting with Early Steps tomorrow afternoon. Part of me is nervous to enter this phase of his life while the other part of me can't wait to discover more of his secrets.

Happy Down Syndrome Awareness Month!

2 comments:

  1. Praying for you and Ben as you enter this new phase of his life! LOVE to you, my friend!

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  2. I remember seeing this little girl, perfectly dressed for church with her manners and little Bible in hand. Her eyes were so big filled with vibrant life and magnified behind the glasses she wore. Yet she had this calming and gentle meekness which everyone adored. As I got to know her more and more, watching her grow; I knew God had a special plan designed just for her.

    Meekness is not a virtue the world considers valuable or even desirable. But Jesus lists it as a primary virtue of one who will inherit His Kingdom and greatly valued by God. It is the selfless aspect of love which can only be manifested from strength of character.

    I lost touch with this little girl for a while and one day we met again and WOW, don’t you know, she grew into this beautiful young woman. I was amazed how untouched she was by the world and held true to her character. She didn’t wear those glasses anymore, yet her eyes were just as magnified as ever before. She permeated joy and her love for Jesus was so much more.

    If you haven’t guessed, yes, this little girl was you Amber! I could not be more proud of you. My instincts were right regarding a special plan designed by God just for you. He knew all long you were to be the mother of this precious baby boy, Benjamin, also designed by Him, to glorify him.

    Like a good book, I have been reading and re-reading your blog entries. Each time I come away with more truth and understanding of God’s love and grace. I reflect on the times when these special children have crossed my own path. Once when I was 10 years old, my parents were getting us ready for our move to Florida from Michigan. It was 1970. YIKES!

    Every weekend my father would pack up his truck with items to sell at a local flea market. There was another family there occupying a booth next to my parents whose son would greet us with excitement. He and I became friends quickly and we looked forward to playing with one last time the toys we were giving up! As I look back, I believe that friendship meant so much to me because of the gentle meekness he displayed. He loved unconditionally and just enjoyed our company together.

    Another time was in my teenage years, I spent a summer volunteering in a special needs class at the school where my mother worked as a teacher’s aide. It was the best summer I ever had as a child. We shared so much love and laughter. Those children reinforced once more unconditional love and accepted me just as I was! I thought one day I would become a special education teacher, but God had other plans I guess and these encounters were meant as gifts from God to equip me and teach me of His grace later in life. Something I am still learning!

    Benjamin is a blessed child. I look forward to watching him grow and become all God has designed for him. I believe he will do great things and contribute to this world God’s love and grace. Teaching us all the responsibility we have to serve one another with meekness. How could he not succeed, he has the best examples in his life, and blessed with a mother and father who embody the examples of Jesus Christ.

    God bless you Amber, you are a true blessing to motherhood and I believe you will do even greater things touching many more lives for Jesus.

    Patrick

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