Thursday, July 26, 2012

Bittersweet

As I stare into a neatly stacked pile of brown boxes packed with all of our belongings, my heart is heavy. This odd feeling of bittersweet has become an all too common occurrence around here. It began the day Micah came home. The thrilling adventure of the end was somewhat overshadowed with the passing of our dear Poppa. Not thirty minutes post airport, we got the phone call that Dottie and Poppa were back together again. Our shoulders may have been empty, but soon to be filled with the stresses we had been ignoring. Like moving. Our lease is up so we have to get out. Embarrassingly enough, we didn't see this coming. We knew we'd be moving; we didn't anticipate not having a place of our own to move to. Micah is home. Our family is together. It's the sweet part. Everything else needs a few packets of sweet n' low.


So we might be a little bit broken. We might be a little bit homeless. We might be a little bit impatient. The way I see it hasn't changed, really. You've got two choices: you either smile or you don't. You do what you gotta do. You buck up and push on. You thank God for the little things and trust Him with everything in between.


Back to packing I go.
Gonna grab some sweet n' low while I'm at it.
 Happy Day.  


Monday, July 16, 2012

The End

I had pictured the moment a million times in my head. Sitting with the crowd of fellow waiters, checking my phone every 5 seconds, doing double takes with every tall, blue eyed boy that walks by to make sure I don't miss him. It happened just like the picture. I run, jump and hold on tight. I cry. He laughs that I'm crying. We smile at the audience and walk hand in hand to baggage claim.
"And so it ends." You have no idea how good it felt to type those words that day. It ends. My husband is home. For good. I never have to see an unfamiliar phone number and answer it with sweaty palms. No more sandbox. No more war. No more rockets. No more nightmares. No more news stories. It ends.
There was a moment this weekend that brought it all together for me. We ventured to Cracker Barrel for a birthday breakfast with my parents. [Micah turned 27 yesterday]. Per usual, we spent a few minutes in the rocking chairs. I sat there marveling at my boys. The only thought I had was, "There's nowhere else I'd rather be right now." The weights I'd been sporting for the last two years found a new place to reside. My shoulders are empty, my heart is full and my family is back together. Regardless of what lies ahead for us, we are resting in the fact that we'll be doing it together. And life will be good. Together.
In other news, Ben's surgery went well. Mr. Urologist was pleased with the 3.5 hour surgery and had high hopes for my Benjamin. Jan told me weeks ago that she had witnessed many a surgery in her years of therapy. "You'll be amazed at how quickly he'll bounce back." She wasn't kidding. Despite the two incredibly hard days at the hospital, I was certainly amazed at my little dude's normal, acrobatic ability just three days post battle wound. It's remarkable to see such a big scar in his little body and then watch him maneuver around like nothing happened. I'm grateful, though. Dude is brave. God is good.
This week? We get to know each other again. We figure out how to think long term. We pray hard and hang on tight.

Consider this the end of the chapter 5. Goodnight.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Roar

Tomorrow is the day. Surgery is on the horizon and my nerves are pretty shot. So shot, in fact, that when Micah told me he was coming home a day early, I actually had a split second of fear that I wouldn't be able to pick him up from the airport due to the fact that Ben may still be in the hospital. Mama Bear instincts have taken over with this chick. I'm still learning how to let go of the reins. Allowing people to help me is not my forte. It took me all morning to convince myself that I needed help when I couldn't manage to get my 102 degree feverish body off the couch to get Ben's lunch out of the fridge a few weeks ago. In addition to opening my own door, I usually politely say, "I'm good" instead of letting the bag boy help me get my groceries in the car. Asking for help is just not my thing, so when I do... people drop what they're doing and run. 'Cause they know it's serious.
So I'm asking for your help. I need your prayers. I need your support. I need your encouragement. I'm overwhelmed and could use a little help carrying the load. I'm stoked Micah's coming home! Seriously - it's in the top 10 of awesome moments. But, on the flip side, there are so many big things facing our lives right now that it's hard to remember what's happening in the small things.
As far as surgery details: Ben will be under the knife for 2.5 - 3 hours and then we will be camping out at the hospital 2 - 3 days post procedure. Since Micah can't be here, my parents are coming up so I don't have to face it alone. If you're in the area and you'd like more information about visiting, message me via Facebook or shoot me an email.

Ben developmental update: He was reevaluated via Mrs. Jan last week and her exact words were, "If it wasn't for his diagnosis, he probably wouldn't even qualify for Early Steps because of how well he's doing." Mama Bear roar. He's also pulling up on everything and is quite proud of himself. 



 
Photos via Instagram: Follow me @ambertwebb


In other news, Miss Blog has reached her 19,000th view. Dude. Overwhelmed with gratitude and humbled that so many of you have shared and enjoyed our story. I've said it before, but when I started this journey I had no intentions of sharing it with the world. I've been writing for years. It's just a part of my make up. I'd rather write a ten page paper than work a math problem any day. That's not to say that I'm entirely confident in my ability. So thank you for reading. Thank you for encouraging. Thank you for allowing me to write down my heart - good, bad and ugly.

I'm looking forward to continuing to share the next chapter. Until then.

"If you've got a book in you, for God's sake -write it!"


Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Good

Feeling somewhat inspired tonight. Maybe it's sleepless delirium, maybe it's the Teavana tea I've added to my list of obsessions, maybe it's the fact that my hubs will be home in mere days. Did I mention that?   


Life is good. I know I'm an optimist by nature, but bare with me for a sec. Life is good. For years, I heard how terrible the world is and how we, as Christians, are supposed to be the total opposite of what the world asks. A laundry list of "dont's" that clearly "Satan himself is involved in." Our feathers get riled up when someone mentions having a beer with chicken wings, someone dyes their hair purple and gets a tattoo or seeing a woman holding hands with someone of the same sex. We get angry. Like it's somehow our job to rebuke the devil out of these peoples souls because someone else's sin is somehow greater than our own. Am I the only one who grew up in an ABC (Angry Baptist Church)? Now, don't ban me from your friends list for calling out Baptists churches. I'm not trying to put them in a box because I know a lot of them aren't like that; just telling you my own experience. All I'm saying is - remind yourself of this every so often: sin is sin and you are not God. Our job is not to be angry at the world. It's really not. Our job is to love. We are to pass down God's love. His wrath is not ours to portray. Jesus loves you. Being a Christian has everything to do with this: 


Luke 10: 25-37
25 On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

26 “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”
27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
28 “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”
29 But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
30 In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31 A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32 So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34 He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35 The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’
36 “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”
37 The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”
Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”


Live it, dude. You have good news to share. Put down the "God hates you" signs and hug somebody. 


Soak up life because life is good.  


Happy almost Fourth. Eat a hotdog and take your kids to see fireworks. 


Goodnight. 


If you just read that and have further questions, statements or reactions feel free to message me here, send me an email or shoot me a Facebook message. I'd love to chat about what Jesus did for you. 

Monday, July 2, 2012

Patience

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:31 


Those words have been stuck in my mind worse than "It's a Small World" lately. (Sing it with me: It's a small world after all. You're welcome.) I've somewhat dissected Isaiah 40:31 the more I think about it. Patience isn't easy, but patience builds strength. 
If I can be honest, I used to think this patience thing was a bit overrated. We've adopted the "hurry up and wait" mentality these last two years and it hasn't been my favorite mode of living. But then it became clear. Patience builds strength. 
 We've hurried through Micah's months off and then we wait for what seems like eternity for the next month off to roll around. The same holds true this time around except... there's no need to hurry up when he gets here. You read that correctly. Micah is coming home. For good. I can't even wrap my head around that phrase. In fact, I don't even think I'll believe it until I see him walking off the plane for the last time. 
We've grown beyond our years through this experience. We've been challenged in every aspect of our lives and made it. Why? Because patience builds strength. Strength to fight. Strength to stand up for our marriage, our faith, our relationships and our normal. 
There are still a lot of unknowns ahead. More than a lot. And regardless of what happens in the coming weeks, months and years... God is still God, God is still good, and patience should be number one on the virtue list. 


We made it, babe. Come on home. 

 Family of three? Don't mind if I do.