Thursday, November 22, 2012

Thankful

My husband informed me that I've been a little "doom and gloom" lately. In fact, he brought me my computer several nights ago and said, "Here. Write something happy." Let me first apologize for making your hearts heavy. I'm fine; I promise. Writing is my outlet and hard feelings tend to come out before happy ones. I'm not sinking into a pit of nothingness and life is not awful beyond repair. If I were to psychoanalyze myself, it probably has something to do with all the things that have seemed to pile up since Micah came home. Our world got flipped and I haven't really had the time to work through it all. Hence all the gloom posts. So, my bad.

In an effort to brighten things up a little, a few things I'm thankful for today...

1. Jesus loves me. That fact alone makes life worth it.
2. My husband is better than yours. No, really.
3. I have a huge, fantastic family. Blood related or not: you are loved.
4. My son. He's just my favorite.
5. A job is a commodity these days. I'm thankful for mine.
6. We were blessed with a home we can afford that we are not crammed into. (And it has two front doors, so you're extra welcome here).
7. My pantry is full.
8. Christmas is on it's way. It's the best time of year.
9. Papa Bond's cornbread dressing. You don't understand. I'll be consuming my weight in the stuff today.
10. I'm thankful for a pen and paper (or keyboard). I need to write.

It's a good day. Thank Jesus and eat a lot. Happy Thanksgiving from our family to yours!

My greatest treasure. Thank you, Lord. 


Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Sideways

When people ask my opinion about the war, I shiver a little. It's not that I don't think there's a time for everything: war, peace, mourn, dance. Jesus says so and He's right. It's just that I've seen the other side. Vicariously through my husband, of course, but I've seen it nonetheless. It ain't pretty. I have strong feelings about certain things. Things that I often keep to myself because people can't understand unless they've been there. Things that the media conveniently doesn't tell you and things that you wouldn't believe if I tried. I respect the troops and I'm thankful to live in the Unites States. But that's all you really need to know.
Micah doesn't talk about it often. A nightmare here; a "thankful to be alive" there. I don't ever bring it up on my own, but my ears are always available. When he chooses, it's about June 1st. It's the day I answered the phone and thought he wasn't coming home. It's the day the world literally stood still.

It's like this: When God gives you eight lives, you assume the ninth is worth keeping in your hip pocket. That's the strategy that brought him home. That's the reason we are where we are right now. It's not how we thought it was play out, but it's part of the journey. Another page; another chapter. Another reason to wake up. Another way to connect with others.

Sometimes I feel like this is a part of life that I'm just toughing out. I've been in this place before. It's the relentless rip current that makes you panic and flap your arms like a crazy person until somebody yells, "Swim sideways." ('Cause that's what you do, P.S.) I don't like the flapping of the arms phase, though, and I'm working hard trying to remember to swim sideways; to dig myself out of the negativity and mundane. It ain't pretty, but I'm learning. Slowing but surely. Messy but honest. War and then peace. Mourn and then dance. On and on the pendulum swings.

In other news, we survived the first week. Okay, that's a lie. We survived the first three days. Dude got sick and we were forced to spend Thursday and Friday snuggled on the couch watching Mickey Mouse and eating rainbow sherbet. Truthfully, I'm a little bit grateful for that. (The snuggles and sherbet... not the sickness.) My heart needed some Benjamin time and Jesus loves me.


Tell me about your opinions if you'd like. I'd love to listen. If you have questions about Afghanistan, Down syndrome, Jesus or anything else on your heart, shoot me an email. Also, if you have a business and you're interested in promoting it on this blog, holler. And if hollering doesn't work... email me.  

Until next time... Smile. It makes your butt tingle. 



"A true writer has to write even with no one to read." -Beth Moore

Friday, November 2, 2012

Ache

Today my heart aches a little. Today is my last day as a stay at home mom. At least for the time being. The Lord gave me 19 glorious months at home with my little dude and I'm so grateful, but this is being added to the ongoing list of, "Things I didn't see coming." 
Truthfully, I'm really not even a little bit excited. Truthfully, I feel like somebody else will be raising my kid. And truthfully... that sucks. 


Sure, scrubs are like pajamas and wearing pajamas to work rocks, but that's the only happy I can find today. 
I know it'll get better with time. I know we'll all get into a routine and this will become another new normal. I know this is required right now and this is happening for a reason. I know Ben will brighten otherwise mundane days for everybody he flashes his smile at and I know it's a good opportunity. 


But, Mama to Mama... this is hard