Thursday, January 24, 2013

Stand Down

I've started half a dozen posts over the past few weeks.
"The events that have taken place today..."
"Political faux pas..."
"I'm not the kind of mother..."
The problem is not writers block or a lack of ideas. The problem is knowing when to fight and when to stand down. I've had a lot on the brain. Too much, maybe. Most would probably start debates and misinterpretations that I just don't think would be worth it. So zip my lip it is.

Last Wednesday I got Benjamin out of bed, stumbled through our morning routine, drove to daycare and dropped him off at his class - - for the last time! Working full time was tough, but it was what the Lord wanted for a while. 2013 started with a job altering text message and an opportunity to keep my Mama/Wife heart intact while still earning money to support our growing family. I'm still overwhelmed and thankful for the way it all fell into place. No way to explain it but Psalm 37:4. Jesus loves me and knew the desire of my heart. Cool, right?

In Ben news, DUDE IS WALKING! With his push toy, anyway. But it's a great start and it's so exciting to watch. If you missed the video, you can check it out on Facebook. There are a multitude of reasons why I'm grateful God gave Ben an extra chromosome. One of them - - I will never ever take milestones for granted. Things like rolling over, crawling, feeding himself, drinking from a sippy cup, turning pages of a book and pushing a toy with wheels are all etched in my memory. Sometimes those milestones brought bittersweet tears because of how beautifully my baby is progressing. I don't mind that he's taking his time in some areas. It means I get to enjoy his babyhood longer than usual and I feel blessed that God chose me to be his Mama.

I'm still learning when to fight and when to stand down; what's important and what's really not. Maybe we all need to figure that out.

Happy Thursday!

Thursday, January 3, 2013

New Year

It's a new year. With a new year comes new goals and new fears - both of which have taken root in my mind lately. We had a lot of "I never thought we'd be here" moments in 2012 intermingled with sweet memories and an outpouring of blessings. Those blessings are what I want to remember the most.
This year, though, has a different feel already. We're embarking on new adventures and sometimes those can be scary. Take this little miracle growing inside. It's exciting, yes. Bringing new life into the world, giving Ben a little playmate, soaking up those early Mama moments just like last time. But last time wasn't easy. In the midst of a vulnerable writing session, I let myself go back a little bit. I cried and told God that I just wanted something to be easy. Sometimes thinking about those events is a little bit terrifying. I told God that blood is important and I just wanted to be there for my kids. (Like He didn't already know that.) Exhaustion and pregnancy hormones probably attributed to the vulnerability, but nonetheless, good and bad, God gave us emotions and He's cool with us putting them to good use.

On a lighter note, how were your holidays? Our Texas Christmas was enjoyable. Ben was spoiled rotten, our fireplace was put to good use and Jesus loves my mother - He sent her snow! I actually stayed up to ring in the New Year. I couldn't tell you the happenings from about 9pm on, but I kept my eyes open and that counts when you're three months pregnant.

2013, I'm ready for you and my hopes are high. You've already had some unexpected surprises. Good ones. So, thanks. Regardless of what the rest of the your months bring, I'm thankful you're not in my hands. Rest easy, be gentle and bring it on.