Wednesday, September 18, 2013


I vented to a friend the other day. "The hardest part," I told her, "is knowing there's no end in sight." When Micah was in the sand box, we knew when it would end. For the most part, we could even put a date on it. I knew exactly when the hard part would end and life could begin again. Even with Ben's Down syndrome, I remember a distinct time period when I realized my son was perfect just the way he was and life began again.
Alexis is so very different. I'll worry her whole life. Sure, some days are going to be easier than others, but as a whole... I'll worry. About her getting sick; about not getting to keep her. It's gut wrenching to think about the future. So I don't.

I want to clear something up, too. People keep asking me what I need and how they can help. While I so appreciate the gesture, the honest answer is... I have no idea. I don't know what I need. I don't know how to ask for help. I'm tired and I'm overwhelmed and I'm hurting. And I have no idea how to tell you to help me. That doesn't mean you should stop asking. We need a village. If something crosses your mind that you think would help... ask me if it would. I'm trying really hard to not carry all these things alone and to take advantage of "Jesus in flesh and blood." The problem usually is that I don't want to feel like a burden to somebody else. I know what you're going to say; "You're not a burden." And I know that... in my head. It's a humbling experience being the one that needs help instead of the one that helps. I'm learning. Slowly.

Every once in a while, just remind me that you're still there. That's what I need the most.

In Benjamin news...

Dude SAID "more!" Clear as day; I wish I got it on film. We were eating dinner with Uncle Craig and he wanted more of whatever was on Daddy's plate. And there it was... "Mooore." He hasn't said it since, but it was a supremely awesome moment.
To answer your question... No, he's not talking yet. He's working hard to communicate using signs and pointing at things. That's the first step. We're really proud of him and how far he's come already. We have a phenomenal speech therapist who has been an amazing example of patience and has taught us a lot over the last year. One day he'll be able to tell me how much fun he's having in Puggles.

Happy Hump Day.


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