Thursday, July 10, 2014

Reins

I've had several people remark about what I said on the last post.

I've been married almost eight years, most of which have been spent nestled in what seems like the never ending valley. I'm used to the dark. I'm stupidly comfortable here. I said I wouldn't trade it. I told you I wouldn't change anything.

That's hard to swallow, huh?

You're right. It's a heck of a claim. How could I say that? How can I possibly look back at everything we've been through and tell you I wouldn't change it?

Don't misunderstand me here.

I wouldn't have chosen this. I didn't dream about Sandbox demons, having children with special chromosomes, an empty pantry or life changing quicker than Micah's stick shift. You've seen me mourn and ask questions and be angry.

But I see the outcome. I've learned what's important in life. I've learned over and over and over not to take life for granted. I've learned what it means to love Jesus and how Jesus loves me. I've learned what family means. I understand the difference between friends and acquaintances with nice things to say.

I know I have a lot more to learn. I know Jesus isn't through teaching me, molding me, making me exacting what He's called me to be.

Do I think I could've learned all that without the never ending valley? Me, in my finite mind and prideful heart would scream, "Hell yes I could have!" But that's what trust and faith and handing God the reins means. Letting go of life all together. Crawling up in the arms of a loving Savior and letting Him use whatever it is you've got for His very own glory.

Everybody's got a story. Everybody can look back over life and go, "Couldn't we have gotten here another way? Couldn't I have lived my whole life without that?"

You think so.

You think you could have.

You, in your finite mind and prideful heart would scream, "Hell yes I could have!"

It's time to let go of the reins, friends.

I dare you.


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