Wednesday, October 26, 2016

When the Other Shoe Doesn't Drop

In my experience, life isn't this easy. While this peaceful season of life we're in has been completely welcomed, it also seems unusual. I wake up most days in this state of thankfulness for where we are now, what we've overcome and how drastically Jesus has changed my heart. When we think of this "freedom in Christ" that is so abundantly present when you know Jesus, it's easy to associate that with freedom from things we can see. I love stories of redemption and breaking the chains of all kinds of addiction. You can see the physical change and it's awesome.

For me? There is freedom from worry and fear.
Freedom from comparison and discontentment.
Freedom from the bondage of religion.

But then I'm human. There are days when those things take over and I forget Who I belong to.
There are days when life seems uncertain and I wait for the other shoe to drop.

Because there's always been another shoe...

There are still nights that I lay in bed listening to Alexis cough, wondering what I'll wake up to the next morning. Nights that the words, "If there's ever a time she stops breathing, call 911 and then call us" ring through my head. I can see the nurses face so clearly in my head; feel her hands holding mine as the tears poured down my cheeks.

There are days I wonder what's going on inside Ben, knowing that this bladder issue may never resolve itself. Days that I examine his whole body looking for something wrong because he can't tell me if it hurts.

Days and nights I wait for the other shoe...

Because there's always been another shoe.

But then Jesus gently floods my soul with peace and joy; this distinct and undeniable understanding that He is for me, with me, never wavering in His love for me.

There very well may be another shoe. I have no idea what's coming.

I love that more often than not... I don't care.

I love that my heart knows where to run when it's heavy.

And I love that I know just Who has the other shoe. I trust Him with it. He knows what He's doing.